


Kuryakin Code Notes

by GarciaVivar



Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Canon Elements, Geek!Illya, Illya writes codes, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Shy!Illya, U.N.C.L.E. in contemporary world, inspired by real story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:12:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6404422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GarciaVivar/pseuds/GarciaVivar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My first fanfic for U.N.C.L.E.! This is a semi-AU where Napoleon and Illya are still U.N.C.L.E. agents but the time period is contemporary. And Illya is a geek who's super good at programming.<br/>This work is inspired by this true story on Github (https://github.com/NARKOZ/hacker-scripts). </p><p>Disclaimer: I don't own the tv series and the characters and this fanfiction is only written for entertainment.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kuryakin Code Notes

**1 Take-A-Rain-Check**  
Scans messages for words like ‘darling’, ‘date’, ‘luv u’ etc., triggered if keywords are found. After a farther scanning, it identifies the time mentioned then opens the calendar for a match. If something has already been arranged on that day it sends an automatic reply, ‘Sorry sweetheart, work demands, would you like to take a rain check? Call you soon. XXX.’  
The script wasn’t written specifically for anyone at first and can be downloaded by everyone from UNCLE. However, in the phone of Napoleon Solo, Section 2 Number 1, there is an upgraded version.  
The upgraded version scans messages for words like ‘darling’, ‘date’, ‘luv u’ etc., fires immediately after keywords are found. Directly jumps to automatic reply, ‘Sorry, unavailable’, and adds the number to the blacklist.

 **2 Chinese Takeout**  
A scheduled program that fires when the computer of Section 2 Number 2 is logged in and active during 12-1pm or 6-7pm on weekdays. Connects to Google Map and searches for Chinese restaurants with takeout services nearby, then randomly selects one, rings the restaurant and orders by playing a phone recording.  
There’s an icon of the program on the taskbar. Can be turned off if Napoleon offers a treat.

 **3 Field Report**  
A dialog box pops up after the script runs. Automatically generate field reports after entering relevant keywords under titles (time, location, persons etc.). To prevent reports from being overtly templated, a database that contains hundreds of field reports written by Illya is equipped and the program selects words, phrases and sentences according to the category of the current report, thereby adopting an appropriate expression.  
After a few times of debugging both fluency and accuracy of the reports have been promoted. Napoleon wanted one as well, but since there were too few reports with a remarkable Number 1 writing style to form a database, the request has been declined.

 **4 C-A-T-S**  
Unknown purpose and theory. Summons ALL the cats within two blocks once run.

  
**5 Bombread**  
Connected to a platform and a scanner. Place the item on the platform and the scanner detects explosives automatically. If something suspicious is found, an explosion-proof cover will be triggered and water will be sprayed to item until danger has been resolved. Both partners have one in their apartments.  
However the script has a bug that can’t be solved or explained. ‘Raisins’ are considered as tiny explosives. Napoleon still can’t get his rye raisin bread, unsoaked.

 **6 Shirts Terminator**  
When Napoleon took the phone out of his pocket to check his appearance through the front camera for the third time, this idea came into Illya’s mind. The Shirts Terminator was programmed and installed into Napoleon’s phone, secretly.  
It accesses the camera, recognizes faces then scans the clothes worn, estimates how damaged the clothes are. If the damage is over 30%, it accesses the address book and sends a message to Mr. Waverly, reports the damage and requires a new suit. The reasons include but are not limited to:  
‘I was run over by a small truck.’  
‘Just out of Amazon.’  
‘We were in the same car with an unpopular politician.’  
‘A nail was right there!’

 **7 Open-Channel-D**  
Mr. Waverly’s radio doesn’t escape the Kuryakin Code even if it isn’t connected to internet. Illya designed a program that jeopardizes the signal and redirects it to another device, thereby creates a personal channel for Mr. Waverly. The channel can’t be changed when the program is running.  
After those affairs that leave them devastated, Napoleon and Illya will hide in their office and run the program on their computers, broadcasting Mother Goose or best-selling Gothic romantic novels.  
Once they escaped out of a THRUSH prison, only to find that a destructive program would be run soon in a THRUSH branch at the other end of US. They had to inform Mr. Waverly as soon as possible, but all the communication tools were deprived and the computers at hand could only access the intranet. In emergency Illya found that the USB with this program was (miraculously) still with him.  
So they ran the program and informed Mr. Waverly of their discovery in time. Napoleon felt sorry that they would lose the entertainment forever, but the program was never brought into discussion after that.  
Illya guessed that actually, Mr. Waverly loved the novels.

 **8 Say-Love-and-Die**  
Illya wrote a long letter to Napoleon, the content of which, in short, was the fact that he couldn’t deny – the three classic ‘you-would-know-even-if-I-don’t-tell’ words.  
The letter had been lying in the drafts box forever. Illya was sure that as long as he could breathe he’d never have the nerve to really send it.  
So he wrote a program for it. If the Number 2 computer isn’t logged in for over a month, it sends the letter into Napoleon’s personal mailbox. A month would be safe, he thought, since his longest in-hospital record was a week and a half. He’d be bored to death after a month in hospital, provided that he wasn’t dead already.  
That’s why he had to face a very depressed Napoleon now.  
‘How dare you.’ After Illya woke up from a five-week coma, that was the first sentence Napoleon threw at him. Of cause he was confused. The brain was still too blurred to capture the meaning of such a sentence.  
Until his partner dumped a piece of paper on his face.  
‘Napoleon,’ Illya groaned, knowing that his voice was more than unpleasant due to the lack of use, yet, ‘Tell me, are you trying to put me out for another two weeks with this letter printed?’

The day he was released was exactly two months after he was sent in with his life hanging by a thread.  
That evening they had a luxury dinner to celebrate, then Illya invited himself to Napoleon’s apartment for a drink. After several cups of wine his partner abruptly claimed that,  
‘There are things, Illya, that I can do much better than those codes of yours.’  
Illya asked him to prove it.  
And Napoleon kissed him.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/blog/liginsberg


End file.
